My mom used to tell me, over and over again: “You can’t do everything.”
I am only now starting to believe her.
I was a super-involved child and teenager, by my own choice. Piano lessons. Spelling bees. Marching band. A student diplomatic organization. Lots of church activities, in addition to classes and homework. I treasured my solitude even then, holed up with a book or my journal, but I treasure community too, and I never want to be left out. I struggle with saying no to anything that sounds appealing, even if I know I don’t have the time or energy for it.
Since moving to New England, I’ve learned how the daily grind can wear you down, even if you work in a beautiful place, even if you love your work and your colleagues. Sometimes weekends are for travel and exploring and brand-new adventures, but just as often, they are for puttering and sipping tea, for quiet afternoons and lots of rest.
Most of the time, I don’t mind taking a quiet weekend. But it’s harder when you’ve made plans and have to cancel them, when you’ve invested time and money and you have to cut those losses because you know it would be better to stay home and rest.
We had hoped to spend the upcoming long weekend in New York – a city I love, which endlessly fascinates me. We’d bought bus tickets and booked a cute little studio apartment in Brooklyn, even made plans for brunch with a friend. But about a week ago, we looked at each other and said: Let’s stay home.
This is my husband’s last week at the job he’s worked for three years, and while he is excited to be moving on to a new organization, he is saying lots of good-byes, and those are tiring. I am smack in the middle of a busy season at work: three or four events jammed up against one another, all in the space of two weeks. Add to that a work conference in Rhode Island (for me) and the death of a relative in Texas (for my husband), not to mention all the small daily details, and perhaps you will understand: we are tired.
It felt strangely adult to cancel our plans, the life equivalent of reaching for a healthy salad even though you’d rather order a steaming plate of salty, delicious, not-so-healthy fish and chips. We lost a bit of money, but the deciding factor was taking a clear-eyed look at our lives as they are right now, and choosing what we need over what we want.
This is a small issue, I know, in the grand scheme of things. There will be other New York weekends, other chances to explore and sightsee, other adventures. We did not give up anything permanent, and this was in no way a life-or-death decision.
Still, it feels important, and grown-up: realizing we can’t do everything, and choosing not to try. Rather, we are choosing to rest and renew, so we can come back to our everyday lives with energy, grace and even joy.
Do you struggle with saying no, or with choosing to rest?
cakes, tea and dreams 
Have a great weekend at home. Hope it helps to nourish body and soul. And all the best for J’s new job!
Realizing that we can’t do everything is hard. I struggle more with the daily stuff here: reading all the internet, watching all movies, meeting all friends …. I made different experiences concerning travel and adventure: whenever I felt too tired and lazy and got up from my couch anyway it was always worth it. With little kids around, the weekends aren’t really quiet anymore. We have to keep them busy or they want to watch TV all the time. But some Sundays, we just let them – to get some rest ourselves.
Yes. While I’m an introvert, I hover a little too close to some extroverted qualities to completely soak into my introversion. Yesterday I conversed briefly with a friend about this. She’s on the extroverted side, but could relate to the non-extreme version, which means negotiating often with yourself in order to meet your true needs. I think extreme personality types may have more straight forward choices. So, I can relate to this. I’ll make plans based on current desires and needs, but those can change as the time approaches. Good for you and your husband for honestly looking at your time and honoring it for what you need now!
I found your blog through thequirkybookworm blog. I have enjoyed reading your posts for a long time! Today’s post is particularly timely for me to read. Thank you.
Ugh. Yes. I hate that thirty minutes just before the final decision where you waver between go-or-stay and weigh all the options. But I always feel a sense of relief when I finally decide to say, “no”.
Good on you for making the right decision for you and Jeremiah – and no one else! New York will be there when you’re ready for it. Hope you got the respite you needed.