Here is one thing I love about deep friendships: you develop a kind of shorthand after a while.
Some of this shorthand is topical: my friend Abi and I love so many of the same books and TV shows, and we can discuss/quote them for hours. Some of it’s geographical: my friend Kristin, a fellow West Texas transplant to Boston, knows exactly what I mean when I talk about missing home and loving the life I have here. (Even better: she knows the particulars of certain Texas cities, and how tough it is to find great Tex-Mex food in Boston.)
I’ve been thinking about another kind of shorthand, though: the kind that comes from knowing each other’s casts of characters.
Pretty much everyone I meet knows I’m married: if my wedding ring doesn’t give it away, a comment about my husband is bound to come up before long.
I also talk frequently about my parents, sister and two adorable nephews – and I’ll show pictures of those sweet boys to anyone who’s willing to look at them. (Here are Harrison and my sister. Adorable, no?)
But my good friends (and family) also know about the other important people in my life – even if they don’t know one another personally. I tell stories about Sunday nights spent at Ryan and Amy’s, long talks with Abi (and snuggles with her baby girl), college and post-college adventures with my roommate Bethany. (That’s her at the top of this post.)
I talk about my writer pal Hannah (who runs our occasional book club), my snail-mail pen pal Jaclyn, my work buddies Adam and Anissa, my long-distance lifesaver Laura. And in turn, I get to hear about the supporting casts of my friends’ lives: their parents, spouses, siblings, best friends, the people who help anchor them.
It’s a gift to reach the place in a friendship where you don’t have to explain all of that, where the person who’s listening to you has heard, and remembered, the stories about the people who matter. I love hearing stories about my friends’ loved ones – and it’s even more fun if I get to meet them in person. I feel like I know my friends better after getting to know the people they love, because our people are so much a part of who we are.
Do you have this kind of shorthand with your friends? Who’s in your supporting cast of characters?
cakes, tea and dreams 
I love the image of the cast of characters. So wonderful. Mine is certainly my family, as well as some dear friends from college and from life in Boston. It’s such a comfort to be with people for whom the cast is known, and to whom I can refer to them off-handedly. I was reminded of this in July when Matt and I spent a weekend with two of my (three) college roommates. There was simply so much that is already known and doesn’t need to be said. It was remarkably refreshing. xox
Ha, you are in my supporting cast of characters! Jaclyn as well.
I frequently mention your blog posts and tweets to my husband (and other people, too), and I hope he’s going to meet you some day.