Recently, I reread Emily of Deep Valley, a lesser-known book by Maud Hart Lovelace of Betsy-Tacy fame. I read it for the first time a few years ago, and fell in love with Emily’s sweet spirit. An orphan who lives with her grandfather, Emily struggles when her friends all go off to college and she’s left behind in Deep Valley. (While her grandfather is a kind man, this is 1912 and it’s never crossed his mind that she might want to go to college.)
I’ve loved Betsy Ray and her friends since I was a little girl, but I also found Emily a kindred spirit: she’s shy and introverted, but kind, intelligent, generous and deeply loyal. This time around, I related to her feelings of being left behind: when it seems everyone has a purpose to fill their days except you, it can be hard to keep going.
One Sunday morning, though, Emily hears a quote from Shakespeare that bolsters her up: “Muster your wits; stand in your own defense.”
While that line doesn’t erase her loneliness or her worries, it gives her a mantra to focus on, and helps her get up the courage to seek out some good things – dancing lessons, a book group, even a few dates – to fill her lonely winter. As I continue with the job hunt, I am reaching for Shakespeare’s words (and Emily’s example) frequently these days.
Mustering my wits sometimes looks like self-care: yoga in the morning, a chai latte at Darwin’s, long walks in the autumn sunshine, baking a batch of scones. It can also look like being brave: reaching out to a friend via text or email to schedule a lunch or coffee date. Quite often, it simply looks like doing what needs to be done: freelance work, job applications, church administrative work, laundry, dishes. Some of these tasks are their own reward, and some I’m just relieved to cross off the list. But all of them help me move forward, especially on the days when I seem to spend all my time fighting back the dark.
I’m lucky to have a supportive community: my husband, my family, an inner circle of dear friends. (I also deeply appreciate the support from this blog community, including the comments on this recent post.) But in the end, like Emily, I do have to stand in my own defense. It’s ultimately my responsibility to muster my wits, and get on with the hard work of finding a job and living my life while I’m searching.
Emily’s story has a happy ending on several levels: she finds a new purpose in her work with Deep Valley’s Syrian community, makes some new friends and falls in love with a good man. My story, of course, isn’t over yet; I’m living in the messy middle, in so many ways. But I am glad to have Emily (and Shakespeare) along on my journey, when I need the reminder to muster my wits.
cakes, tea and dreams 
Okay, that settles it. I have had Emily on my shelf for ages and I need to read this book. I’m feeling similarly – although I have a job at the moment, it’s not fulfilling, and I also feel like I’m living in the wrong place. I could stand to muster my wits, too.
Hope something comes through for you soon! Hugs to you.
Hugs to you, too, friend. I’m sorry things are so hard. And yes, I think you’d enjoy Emily!
Love this! I’ve never heard of that book, but it sounds like it has great application to life. Good luck in your job search!
Love this. I come to this conclusion often. No matter how wonderful the support around me, and despite any discouragement around me, how I do life is basically up to me. This is also so kindred-spirity of us, because this weekend I put in the movie The Holiday, because “I could really use some gumption.” 🙂
Gumption! Yes!
I hadn’t realised you’d lost your job. I’m so sorry to hear this. Wishing you all the best for your job hunt!
Good to have a mantra at this time – it really does help. I remember when I was in my twenties at a new job and I was nervous but excited but somehow I latched on to the “Sound of Music” song “I have confidence in confidence” and would sing this to myself as I walked the halls of my office- it really did help! I’m glad you have such good support but as you say – it really is up to you. But you can do it and this is just a brief chapter in the “messy middle” part of your life. When you are older you’ll look back and wonder why did I worry – it worked out okay. Press on and every “no” is just one step closer to a “yes” in the job search. Happy Thanksgiving!