We’re entering the dark time of the year: when the sun starts to sink in mid-afternoon, and even some of the mornings are grey and dreary. My apartment gets much more natural light than my cubicle at work ever did, but it can get lonely, here by myself most days.
To stave off the loneliness and help kick-start my creativity, I’ve been taking my friend Nina Badzin’s writing class through ModernWell, on Tuesday mornings. Some of us are doing NaNoWriMo, and we’re cheering each other on through this crazy month of trying to write 50,000 words.
“I think ideas beget ideas,” Nina declared in class the other week. “So don’t ‘save’ them – just write them down.” It made me think of a similar sentiment I’d read recently on Anne Bogel’s blog: she shared her habit of lighting candles in the winter months. She said – and I agree – that it takes a bit of effort, but that having a candle burning while she brews a hot beverage is so much more satisfying than hoarding the “good” candles. (I rummaged in a drawer immediately after reading that blog post and came up with a couple of scented candles I’d been hoarding for a year. Why?)
I’m working on a secret project for NaNoWriMo, doing my usual book reviews for Shelf Awareness and some other freelance work, journaling most mornings and trying to post here sometimes, too. Sometimes all that writing feels like a lot. But I’m trying to follow Nina’s advice and just chase the ideas, when I have them. More often than not – as with my #run31 posts – coming up with a few ideas gets the wheels turning.
Candles do not beget candles, unfortunately, but I often light one while I do the writing anyway. It’s an affordable indulgence, and that bit of flame is a cheery way to help beat back the dark.
cakes, tea and dreams 
One time John Mulaney said that when he was a writer on Saturday Night Live, he had a really great idea for a sketch. Lorne Michaels wanted to go ahead and use it, and Mulaney said they he was saving it for the perfect SNL host. Lorne looked at him and said, “Well, sometimes you have to burn the furniture!” I think about that a lot, when I find myself trying to save a great photo or caption idea for the future at work. I tell myself, “Sometimes you gotta burn the furniture!” and I go ahead and use it. And I never regret it!
Burn the furniture. (And don’t hoard the candles!)
I love that!
I love your words about pushing ahead through the dark with candles, writing, and running in last month’s essays. Knowing that you are out there experiencing similar feelings of sadness and loneliness but that you are still being purposeful in participating in community and creativity helps me want to keep going, too.
This year — and this election week — just feel so. very. hard. I am walking with spurts of running mixed in each day now, starting therapy again, and just joined a small zoom meet up of women exploring the sacred feminine. All good, supportive things, but nothing that magically transforms the anxiety and disappointments of this season. Honestly, I just feel so sad. I’m sick of ducking out of the office at work to cry for a few minutes each day when the tears just won’t stay back anymore. I don’t know what else to do except acknowledge that this is how I feel and then keep going. And to enjoy the bright spots of connection when they happen alongside the dark that doesn’t quite dissipate.
I guess I’m sharing my in-the-moment reality just to say that I wish this time wasn’t so hard — for you, for me, for all of us. I want something better for each of us. I wish that the election wasn’t making frightening divisions more pronounced in a moment when I really crave closeness and trust with my family, my neighbors, and my coworkers.
I appreciate your voice of perseverance. I am sending you love.
Yes!! I love that you shared this in terms of ideas AND candles! The candles are a good, simple example of hoarding the good stuff. I have several nice ones I’m always saving–BUT FOR WHAT!? I’m totally inspired to burn one next time I’m writing, which will be later today! And I’m so happy you’re in the class!
You share such a good reminder to experience fullness and joy, wherever it can be found, especially in small but meaningful ways. I found a giant candle for $5 at Dollar General the other day (nothing fancy, obviously), but lighting it in the morning as I make tea is such a grounding rhythm.
Kyrie Eleison, Christe Eleison.
I have a whole drawer of fancy notebooks I have hoarded. I want to use them furiously, ferociously. Ideas beget ideas. Of course! Why wouldn’t I write down even just ideas.