It’s the question at the heart of every application process: what if I get rejected?
What if I do all this work on a cover letter and my resume, and the HR person or hiring manager tosses aside my carefully polished materials? What if they pass me over without a second thought, or – almost worse – what if they take the time to interview me, and then decide I’m not who they are looking for?
It happens, of course – often multiple times in every job hunt. It happens in our lives, too: not getting picked for the team, getting dumped or brushed off by a potential partner, drifting apart from or being excluded by our friends. It’s easy for others, especially those we love, to say “it’s not about you” when a person or organization rejects you, and most of the time there’s some truth to that. But no matter the type of rejection, it still stings – even if you know there were other factors at work.
Real talk: some days the fear of rejection is enough to make me want to slam my laptop closed and just stop putting myself out there for employers to dismiss. Some days the form rejections from application portals slide off my back (this is rare; I’m a sponge, not a duck), but more often, they have a bite. And it’s always disappointing when you’ve made a connection with a real person or group of people and you get an email or a phone call beginning with, “I’m sorry…”
I’ve had to work hard (and am still working) to really believe – and remember – that while rejection stinks, getting turned down for a job doesn’t mean I am not qualified or experienced. It especially doesn’t reflect on my worth as a person (more on that in a future post). It’s also not the end of the world, as my mother would say, and it definitely is a signal that I need to keep going. Sometimes, repeated rejections or disappointments have even nudged me to consider new possibilities: as a girlfriend noted last week, rejection can be redirection. (Case in point: my string of layoffs and struggles working in higher ed communications are part of what prompted me to cast my job-search net wider this time around.)
Some days, though, as my friend Stephanie noted recently, rejection just sucks and there’s no silver lining. I think it’s important to name that, too. Rejection may push us in new directions, make us stronger or simply remind us that we can get through hard things. But sometimes it’s just that: hard.
cakes, tea and dreams 
It’s so hard trying to figure out who employers want you to be. I customized all of my cover letters to more closely match what each particular school was looking for. For one, I’d play up my science background, with others, my outdoor teaching experience. Some, I’d highlight my years in an upscale private school; others, my time working for a broke non-profit. It was exhausting trying to figure out how to sell myself, and so discouraging when I thought I’d done a great job and never got any kind of response. It was like, “What more do you want from me??” Right before this latest school year started, I actually heard back from a two different Early Childhood programs that had never responded to me. With so many teachers choosing to not return to the classroom this fall, programs were searching for replacements. I responded to one email, reminding them that I’d applied the previous fall, and said that I’d actually been excited about their school and was disappointed when I got no response from them. It turned out that I was corresponding with the director, who apologized profusely and said she couldn’t believe the school never got back to me because I seemed like such a great fit for their program. We had a few email exchanges and she asked me to get in touch if my current situation didn’t work out. It felt so validating, and now I like to think that all the schools that didn’t respond to me just accidentally lost/overlooked my resume. It makes me feel better! It was also nice to make a professional contact, which may or may not be helpful down the line. You never know who’s holding onto your resume and will come back to it later on. None of the effort is wasted!
This is such great perspective, Michelle. And yes, all of it is so hard! Tailoring your resume/yourself can be exhausting. But it’s true that making contacts can be good in ways we can’t foresee. Thanks.
Its so hard and frustrating sometimes when you keep on applying and getting rejected. I have been job hunting for the past 4 years and im just becoming depressed by the constant rejection