Well, friends, it happened: after nearly two years of wearing a mask, washing my hands incessantly, getting vaccinated and taking all the other precautions we’re all used to now, I tested positive for COVID-19 a few weeks ago.
I was lucky. My symptoms were fairly mild, mostly fatigue and congestion (though I will say the brain fog is real). My employer has been generous about giving us extra sick time for isolation and recovery (though I did work from home when I felt well enough, to stave off the boredom). I felt tired and draggy for nearly a week, and I’ve still had some fatigue and a lingering cough – but mostly, I feel grateful it wasn’t much worse.
My mild-ish symptoms didn’t surprise me too much: I’m vaxxed, boosted, in a low-risk demographic, etc. What did surprise me were some of the emotions I felt. They ran the gamut from fear (what if I become severely ill?) to worry (does my partner have it too? Spoiler: he did, and he’s also fine now) to eye-rolling frustration (here we go with the isolation and counting days).
There was also abject sadness and terror at the thought of more isolation in my apartment, after spending most of 2020 and the first half of 2021 alone there. I broke down and sobbed to my mom on the phone after I got my positive results. I have worked so hard since my divorce to build a life for myself that includes community, but as a household of one with a highly contagious virus, I knew I was facing down at least a week of serious solitude.
I felt helpless and frustrated (there was nothing I could do about it), mildly outraged (but I’ve been doing everything right! The whole time!), and a little bit ashamed (I caught the virus anyway. Did I do something wrong?). And deep down, after a couple of days, I also felt a creeping sense of relief: now I’ve had it. So that happened.
In addition to all these emotions, I truly did feel lucky: my community stepped up for me, in ways both tangible and intangible. One friend dropped off groceries (and cough drops) on a bitterly cold afternoon. My supervisor called to check in on a few mornings. I went for a walk with a girlfriend who had tested positive the day after I did – which saved both of our sanity. Other friends texted; my parents called; my sister checked in on me every day. My partner and I did our best to support each other via FaceTime and phone calls, and on the weekend when we reunited in person, we hugged for minutes at a time. I felt loved and supported, even while I was physically alone.
As this pandemic drags on and on, the omicron wave has hit a lot of households in my circles that had so far managed to avoid the virus. My folks, my partner and various friends are all recovering; here in Boston we are still masking, sanitizing, flashing our vaccine cards to eat indoors and go to the gym and go hear live music (or dance salsa, in my case).
We are still here, I keep saying to my colleagues, my parents, my COVID-weary friends. I keep hearing Beth Silvers‘ voice in my head: It’s a virus, not a moral defect. Which is to say: keep doing everything you can, but testing positive is not a moral failure. It’s simply something many of us will have to deal with at some point.
I don’t have any neat and tidy conclusions, but wanted to share my experience in case it is helpful to someone here. (Beth also noted that, like childbirth, having COVID is a singular, isolating experience that creates some stuff we need to process together.) Thanks for reading, friends. If you have your own experiences/emotions to share, please feel free – I’m listening.
cakes, tea and dreams 
Thank you for sharing your experience in such an honest and relatable way. I am glad you didn’t suffer physically too drastically, but the emotional and even spiritual baggage Covid wreaks is drastically underplayed. This post calls attention to that aspect of it and I appreciate that. Take care and be well.
Thank you. xo
I’m glad you recovered without severe issues. The fear this thing generates IS real. The emotional fallout from covid is overwhelming. The stigma, the always trying to do what is right, dealing with people who aren’t trying very hard or defiantly do not try is frustrating. I spent this morning in a hospital lab with a woman ranting about having to wear a mask. In a hospital lab. Oh Alabama…. I find isolating to not be stressful, yes, a bit lonely sometimes as I’m retired (nurse) and my husband is still working (but he is home at night) but, going out in the world is getting harder. I do not like this feeling. This will not be the case forever, though. I have to remind myself. We are stronger than we realize! Have hope!
It really is emotionally rough. Glad you’re enjoying the time at home. xo
SAME. Had begun to think I was surely invincible. I had the O blood type even (which still seems like a myth, but I *think* there’s science that we’re supposed to be less prone?). Was vaccinated, boosted – all of it. My experience was so extremely similar to yours. Emotions ahoy. I felt down for several days, not myself at all, not interested in the things I wanted to be interested in. I came to loathe this illness even more than I already had because hiding from it is stressful and having it is a cocktail of weirdnesses, annoyances, and symptoms. The only thing I like is that now perhaps I truly am immune – at least for a hot second or so.