Recently, Alyssa tweeted about how much she loves eating lunch out alone, “tucked away in quiet corner of noisy restaurant. I’m part of the world, but don’t have to talk to anyone.” There followed a brief conversation about eating (or drinking) alone in cafes or restaurants, and I’ve been thinking about it ever since.
I regularly spend pockets of time alone in cafes, for lunch or a quiet cup of tea or chai, with a book or my journal or simply my own thoughts for company. It feels less cloistered, less monastic, than eating lunch in my office with the door shut, and yet there’s a sheer curtain of privacy between me and the rest of the world. In bustling Boston, where I cram into the commuter train with hundreds of strangers and walk to work among dozens more, it feels deeply restorative to carve out an alcove of space for myself during the workday. I don’t like to isolate myself completely, but I do like a modicum of space to breathe, to write, to pause and enjoy.
Some days do call for total solitude, and as near silence as I can get. But on many others, I love feeling that tug, that connection to the beat of whatever city I happen to be in. I love observing what people wear, how they take their coffee (I used to be a barista, after all), what they do when they’re sitting alone waiting for their food, or how they interact with their friends. I love the diverse mix of people who come through cafes, all of them separate entities but vital ingredients in these massive tossed salads we call cities.
I take a lot of photos in cafes, mostly of my drink with a book or journal, trying to capture the quiet, restorative freedom of the moment. The writer-romantic in me also thrills at being part of a long tradition of cafe society, from the Lost Generation in Paris to the Beats with their coffeehouse poetry readings, to now, when many writers work in cafes with laptops or notebooks. Something about the background buzz, the rotating cast of characters, the smell of coffee and pastries, revs up the mind while (ideally) leaving it quiet enough to write or reflect.
Both Alyssa and I started going to cafes alone as college students, and we admitted to one another that it felt a little daring. An hour alone, with no one to answer to, feels secret, almost illicit in a delightful way. Alyssa added, “I used to get the same feeling riding my bike all over Boise when I was growing up. No one waiting for me anywhere.” That comment reminded me of one of my favorite, most visceral memories of my year in Oxford: riding my bike through town, the wind in my hair, bag slung over my shoulder, often heading toward something or someone, but completely free and independent for the moment. In these hours alone, we are still interacting with the world, and yet we belong to nobody but ourselves.
Do you spend time in cafes (or other public places) alone? Do you love it for these reasons, or for others?
No, I don’t do this nearly enough! But you have definitely made me want to!! My space like this, is my car. Oh my goodness, I feel liberated when I’m in my car, perfectly visible to the entire world but totally separated from it ALL. Technically no one knows where I am or where I’m going (love that line about the bike riding – “no one waiting for me anywhere”). Usually I’m singing along to the radio, but occasionally I have it off and I’m in total silence, shutting out the world even as I watch it go by. It’s very restorative, as you say, which is a word I adore. Love this post, Katie.
I do this frequently on lunch break, usually accompanied by a good book. It’s very relaxing.
I’ll go to coffee shops by myself to write or read but I’ve never gone to a restaurant by myself. I feel too conspicuous. Plus, I like having company when I’m eating! Proof that falling into the most extroverted of the introvert categories is spot on for my personality.
All the time! My work schedule means I’m often free when friends are not, and it’s pretty common to see me someplace downtown on my own, at restaurants or otherwise. Often it’s at my favorite coffee shop, which is my favorite spot to write. Part of that’s because it’s just busy enough to keep my mind focused – years of working in newsrooms mean I’m used to writing amid chaos. And part is because it is – to quote a New England friend who was down visiting last year – my Cheers. (Yes, yes, dating myself.) When I’m writing about small towns, it’s helpful to be in an environment where it really feels like the small town where everybody knows each other.
Again, your post reminded me how life has changed when you take two kids along almost everywhere.
I long to hang out in cafes alone more often, because it means the ultimate rest to me: a book and good food without having to look at household chores and to-do lists.
I love lunching out alone and in fact did so just yesterday! I agree that it’s a restorative time, and also quite exciting (particularly now that I’m a mother and meals at home are often rushed, noisy affairs). A quiet hour alone at a cafe or restauraunt is a wonderful gift to oneself!
There is something truly sweet and a bit luxurious to eating alone … or even just sipping a coffee in a small cafe that I love. I couldn’t agree with you more!
love this post! I find my self in your words..love the company but love to be alone too and do some things for a while just in a presence of myself:)
it’s something I could connect immediately…. a coffee lover who steals time for self at the corner table of a coffee shop each evening!!! 🙂
Oh my goodness, you totally reminded me of one of my all time favourite youtube videos that was posted while I was studying in Halifax:
It’s called “how to be alone.” I love my solitude. Especially since entering in a partnership, I take a really beautiful pleasure in my morning café sit. I know I could make a coffee at home but I love sitting alone with my book, my coffee and sometimes my creative writing. It’s my favourite 🙂 Great little post.
I like to have a juice by myself about twice a week in the school cafe. Once in a while, I like to be unencumbered by the presence of someone else with me at the table…having to sustain a conversation or deal with awkward stares. It’s somewhat ‘me time’, where I sort of log out from everything around me and just observe and dream.
Why yes, yes, I do. I recently travelled abroad alone for the first time, and while I was not thrilled about that initially, I wound up loving it by the end (or even sooner, to be precise). I’m an introvert and a bit of a loner by nature and I LOVE people watching, so travelling by myself actually suited me great. It’s rare I take a lunch out of the office these days, but I love taking them alone.
I am looking for a word for this new coffee shop culture as it is truly a ‘thing’. In the 50s there were the beatniks – with their berets, turtlenecks, poetry readings, experimenting with mj,… but today, it is all that is described here. I want a word for it. Any ideas?